Welcome To SCO, The Home Of "Linus Torvalds"
Fake News written by on Monday, August 2, 2004
SOMEWHERE IN UTAH -- In a development that should come as no surprise to observers of this never-ending soap opera, The SCO Group's CEO and Minister of Information, Barl McDride, legally changed his name today to "Linus Torvalds." Soon after, Snake Bowell became Alan Cox, Eris Contag changed to Eric Raymond, and Ernie Jung converted to Richard Stallman.
"This strategic endeavor will create new value for our shareholders," Linus, er, Barl, said in a press conference. "These changes are part of our plan to clear up confusion in the industry... As part of the process, we will also change our company's name to Unix System Laboratories in order to prevent conflicts with the Southern College of Optometry, the Scottish Chamber Orchestra, and the State Controller's Office of California."
He added, "I don't want anybody to think I'm trying to subvert the Linux operating system with this move. The idea was actually suggested by my son, who likes the 'Linus' character in the comic strip. So any connection with Linux is purely coincidental and represents no malice on my part. After all, The SCO Group already owns Unix..."
When asked for his reaction, the real Linus Torvalds said only, "A McDride by any other name would still be as pathetic."
Just in case people get confused by SCO's FUD-Attempt-Of-The-Hour, Torvalds has decided to go by the acronym LBT until this all blows over. "The three-letter system has worked quite well for RMS, ESR, and JWZ. I might as well join them," said the real LBT.
Humorix has been unable to confirm rumors that "Linus" McDride plans to undergo plastic surgery to look more like the real Linus. Several members of the Vast Spy Network(tm) have been deployed to Utah to monitor plastic surgeons and Finnish language teachers for any unusual activity, and may possibly have additional fake news to report in a future story.