Linux Boxes As Far As The Eye Can See
Fake News written by on Friday, July 6, 2001
Last week, Humorix received a bark letter from Microsoft and the BSA requesting that we verify that all of our Microsoft licenses are legitimate. If not, the letter warned, we might be attacked by a fleet of unmarked black Microsoft helicopters and then sent away to the maximum-security dungeon underneath Redmond reserved for copyright violators.
Mr. Noah Morals, our crack[pot] attorney, sent a nasty response saying, "Do your worst!"
Yesterday morning, Humorix World Headquarters became ground zero for an attack by the Microsoft Intellectual Property Police. Agents carrying machine guns assaulted the building and immediately ransacked all of our computers looking for unlicensed copies of Windows.
Of course, they didn't find any. The agents were shocked and horrified to discover that every single piece of silicon in the entire World Headquarters compound was running 100% non-Microsoft software. Some of the Microserfs fainted at the sight and had to be ferried to a local hospital.
Said one hired goon, "I've never seen anything like this! To think that an entire business can operate without using even one pirated copy of Windows... That's simply amazing. This is the only time in Microsoft history in which we have come back empty-handed from a raid like this."
Okay, so they didn't actually leave empty-handed. Several goons attempted to plant incriminating evidence by installing bootleg copies of Windows on our machines, but their evil deed was foiled when the Windows setup program kept crashing with the bluescreen. We made sure they took their copies of Windows back out with them.
During the raid, the Microsoft goon force trampled our grass, scuffed our carpets, dirtied our bathrooms, and attempted to contaminate our LAN with the virus known as Windows. The Humorix law firm of Lowe, Morals, And Scruples has already filed a lawsuit seeking $2.5 million in actual damages and $4.5 googleplex in punitive damages. (However, we would be happy to settle for a copy of the Windows source code licensed under the GPL.)