Copenhagen Prepares for Gates
Fake News written by on Wednesday, February 3, 1999
COPENHAGEN, DENMARK -- Everyone's favorite billionaire is scheduled to visit Copenhagen on Friday, February 5th. His visit includes a conference at the Bella Center situated in the Copenhagen suburb of Amager. One member of Humorix's Vast Spy Network(tm), code-named "A Linux Longhair from Denmark", has been able to suppy us with a detailed account of the preparations the city has made for Chairman Bill's visit.
Our source provided us with this report:
Accoding to the Copenhagen Metropolitan Police Department, strict security measures have been adopted in order to protect Bill Gates and his suite. Among the measures worth mentioning include:
- The sale of cream cakes, pies, and stuffed toys resembling penguins in any shop situated in the Amager suburb and in the central part of Copenhagen has been banned starting on February 3.
- The sale of piecakes and icecream in the InterCity trains that run to and from the Copenhagen International Airport has also been banned, since these trains pass less than 1/2 mile from the Bella Center.
- The area around the Bella Center has been cordonned off and everybody is searched for any of the aforementioned items. However, this has provoked protests from the workers on the nearby Copenhagen Metro construction site, after some of them have been turned away after piecakes were found in their bags and backpacks.
- The runway 12 at the Copenhagen International Airport will be closed during Bill Gates' conference, as the Bella Center is situated close to its flight approach path.
Another institution that has taken special measures related to the event is the Copenhagen Zoo: all the penguins have already been moved to Aalborg Zoo in Northern Jutland, which has agreed to provide them with shelter and care for the duration of Bill Gates' visit. This measure has been taken after the zoo managers learned that Bill Gates likes to carry a shotgun.