Linus to Appear on Letterman
Fake News written by on Thursday, October 1, 1998
Sources confirm that Linus Torvalds will be a guest on the Late Show with David Letterman next month. "You know you've arrived when you're a guest on Letterman," one entertainment industry pundit notes. "Linus has hit the jackpot with this one. He's one small step closer to World Domination."
Linus will appear on a special themed "Make Fun of Bills" week. One anonymous source adds, "The week will be devoted to making fun of Clinton and Gates. Linus, as the arch rival of Gates, is a perfect guest for the week. Supposedly the show's producers want to have Linus and audience members throw cream pies at a huge poster of Gates. It should be pretty cool."
We have obtained an unconfirmed advance copy of the Top Ten list that will be aired on the night of Linus' visit:
Top Ten Changes If Linus Torvalds Achieves World Domination
10. That annoying Linus character from the Peanuts cartoons would be killed off
9. New fashion style: Scantily clad females, even in twenty below weather
8. Forget Disney World, say hello to Penguin World!
7. Late Show with Linus Torvalds
6. High schools offer classes on kernel hacking
5. Microsoft stock certificates traded as rare collectors' items, along with Confederate money and Roman coins
4. Beowolf Clusters for everyone!
3. Computers no longer come with reset buttons
2. United States of Linusia
1. Three words: Open Source Beer